The Lowdown on Dating Chicks

Get Out

2007-02-23T09:54:00.001-08:00

Guys, if you want to meet girls, you have to be putting yourself out there. There's no two ways about that.

You have to be out in public making contact with other people.

If you're already out every night of the week, this post isn't aimed at you - but many of us have times in our lives when we can't do anything but sit around at home wondering when our lives are going to change by themselves.

But you know, once you start getting out, things start taking care of themselves. In the same way that if you listen to a lot of music, you learn about music whether you like it or not, if you're out in a lot of social settings, you get better at meeting people, including girls, whether you like it or not.

You're constantly observing social interaction, you're getting comfortable in situations where there are people you don't know around you. Sooner or later, just by going out, things are going to start happening for you. We're social animals, after all.

What I'm saying is: tonight, instead of reading my blog and trying to think up clever pick up lines, just go out. Somewhere. Anywhere. I don't care if you don't talk to anyone at all. Don't put any pressure on yourself. Just take the easy first step of doing something different, and take it from there.

Conversation

2007-02-23T09:54:00.000-08:00

One of the aspects of the dating game that many guys stuggle with, or think that they struggle with, is conversation.

Many guys worry that they won't know what to talk to a girl about if they do approach her, there will be awkward silences and so on, and it completely freezes them up.

Firstly and most importantly, IT DOESN'T MATTER! It doesn't matter if you can't think of anything to talk about. You need to convince yourself of that, and get it thoroughly into your head. Once you have made your approach, you've done your thing. If there are awkward silences, the girl feels them too. She feels like the pressure is on her too, and she won't even notice if you're sweating, seriously. And anyway, girls love to talk, so just go and open a conversation and let her do her thing.

All you need is "Hi" and "See ya". If nothing happens in between, who gives a shit? Laugh it off and get on with your life.

However, having set that baseline, everyone would love to be a better converationalist. All you have to do is practise. You don't have to do it under the pressure of approaching a three set of HB9s. Just get another simple idea in your head. Every interaction you have with someone (that is, interactions that you're already having on a daily basis), say one more thing when you think the conversation is ended. Just one small thing and leave it at that.

For example, if you're buying Sports Illustrated at a gas station, just comment to the guy about how hot the girl on the cover is, if you wouldn't normally do that. If you're buying something at the supermarket, ask the checkout chick if the new cereal you're buying is any good. It's stupid. It's a small thing. It's a throwaway and no-one gets hurt. But before you know it, you're going to have natural conversations flowing, just by making a two second effort every time you talk to someone.

Puppies 2

2007-02-23T09:53:00.000-08:00

I mentioned a few posts back that I'm living with a young puppy these days.

It's really interesting to see the way she learns, and learns to behave. In short, she's very quick to learn appropriate ways to behave, like many other animals. As long as you know in advance how you'd like her to behave, and reward and punish her consistently and clearly according to whether or not she behaves in that way, she's perfectly happy to change her behaviour within the course of a couple of days.

Of course, you can't change her entire world view in a couple of days - just one tiny part of it - but the point is that you can make a difference.

Though to be completely honest, in this case, there is the advantage of the puppy not having any other friends or influences who are trying to direct her thinking in different ways...

Seeking Attention

2007-02-23T09:52:00.001-08:00

I'm pretty shy. Let's face it, if I wasn't, I would be out picking up girls instead of writing about it here right? You do realise that, don't you? ;-)

But something that I've only worked out recently is that just because I'm shy doesn't mean I don't like attention. It means that I don't feel naturally comfortable making a big fuss to attract attention to myself, and I don't particularly like being the focus of everyone's gaze in the room, but I still like attention.

Much as I would probably act tough and pretend that I don't care, I've realised that I like it when I make an impression, and people are thinking about me.

I'm not really going anywhere with this. There's no punch line. It's just an interesting realisation for a guy who's been insisting for years, to myself as well, that I don't give a damn what people think. I suppose if there's any point at all here, I've also noticed that it's very liberating whenever you discover a new truth about yourself, so I'd suggest that admitting to harsh realities isn't something to be shy about.

Alcohol

2007-02-23T09:52:00.000-08:00

Not just when I'm out picking up girls, but at many other times in my life, I enjoy drinking alcohol.

As I'm sure you know, alcohol slows your brain down. Maybe you also know, but maybe you don't that it slows down the logical part of your brain before it slows down the more instinctual part of your brain. That is, if you drink a little but not too much, alcohol kills your inhibitions before it kills your instincts, and that's why alcohol gives you "courage". In some sense, it just takes the layer of social conditioning off and exposes the natural "courage" you already have.

I write courage in inverted commas, because it's often not a case of just enabling you to face things of which you would otherwise be afraid, but to do things that you would otherwise think are stupid. I enjoy writing much more, for example, after a drink. When I'm sober, I'm constantly thinking "No that's stupid, I can't say that. No that's stupid too, I can't say that either" and I can't get anything to come out. After a drink, there's a subtle shift to thinking "Hmm, that's stupid and I like it".

The thing is that I like the guy I am after one or two drinks, and other people do too. I'm creative and entertaining, and great fun to be around. I know that this is my real personality, but to this day, I've struggled to uncover it consistently when I'm stone cold sober. Does anyone out there have a consistent way to get into that state of mind without chemical assistance?

Don't Complain

2007-02-23T09:48:00.000-08:00

I don't like to speak in negative terms, but "Be Positive" just seems like too cheesy a title for a post.

I don't like to speak in negative terms, because your choice of language really makes a genuine difference to concrete things that happen in your life (more on that both in the past and future on this blog...)

But just because I freakin' feel like it, today I'm telling you what NOT to do:

Don't complain, don't criticise, don't insult.

It makes you seem weak and insecure, and is a huge turnoff. To everyone, not just the girls you're trying to pick up.

If you complain that you don't earn enough money, it doesn't make girls feel sorry for you and want to have sex with you just to cheer you up. It makes you look like a loser who can't get what he wants.

If you criticise other people, it doesn't make you look smarter than they do. It makes you look jealous and insecure.

Same story with insults.

Learn to be comfortable with who you are at the same time as maintaining a burning desire to be a better person every day. (Yes, these two attitudes actually do go hand in hand). Learn to find and express the good qualities you find in other people, and be free with your compliments. Just try it. It will take you a long way, and if you think I'm talking shit, you will be surprised.

Diet

2007-02-02T10:34:00.000-08:00

Why the hell am I talking about diet on a blog about picking up chicks?

Because diet and excercise are important, that's why.

At the obvious level, you know it's important to look healthy. You know that because you're attracted to fit looking women, and not to overweight girls with terrible skin. It's just a fact of nature. It's not as important in the opposite direction - girls are interested in more than just a guy's looks - but why let being unhealthy be a deal-breaker for you?

But at the next level, and probably more importantly, being healthy makes a huge difference to your life, and the way you come across to women. You have different mixes of hormones coursing through your veins when your fit, and you feel more energetic and confident. That's just the way it is. You'll feel great, and women pick up on that.

I don't think I need to hammer this point much more than that.

Attractive Women 2

2006-12-28T08:02:00.000-08:00

This Agoraphilia post is an interesting idea, and even though you might laugh at first, I think there's a lot of truth in it.

There are already a couple of interesting comments on the original article, so let me add a couple of new perspectives:

First, the cause and effect might be the other way around. It might be that women become more attractive BECAUSE they get hit on less. If women are getting hit on all the time without having to put much effort into their appearance, there's no incentive to look good.

Then there's some positive feedback in the system: once some women start looking good, and attracting more than their fair share of guys, the others have to start making the effort to keep up.

Secondly, as I've previously pointed out, women don't become attractive by accident - it's very much a concious effort. The corrollary is that hot women know they are hot. In short, if all the women are hot, the balance of power shifts more into their hands in the environment of a bar, and possibly it becomes easier for guys to try their pickups elsewhere.

Still thinking about this one - thanks for the idea.

Tests 3

2006-12-07T09:21:00.000-08:00

Be aware, though, that excessive testing is a sign of insecurity, and a woman who tests you "to destruction" might be one you'd like to avoid.

As with anything, once you get good at the dating game, you might enjoy the challenge of trying to pick up women who push their tests to the limit. No problem. Just realise that if you don't enjoy being tested relentlessly, it might be worth looking elsewhere.

All women are going to test you - there's no way around that. But a stable woman will just continue until she feels secure. She's generally able to look after her self, but sometimes she needs someone to lean on, and she's interested enough in you to want to find out if you can fill that role. Take it as a compliment. Pay her back the compliment by giving her what she wants, which is that you don't cave in to the test.

But someone who is insecure won't stop once she feels safe. She'll keep pushing until something breaks. I'm sure you all know someone like that. The thing is: you can't win in that situation. If the girl is always going to push until you break down, the only possible outcome is that you end up broken down. Again, it's a case of knowing when to move on.

Tests 2

2006-12-01T08:40:00.000-08:00

As we discussed last time, if you're interested in meeting women, you better be interested in dealing with their tests. Have a read through the previous post if you haven't already done so.

Dealing with tests is really hard, and it's going to require a lot of work to get it down, but like many things you work hard for, it's worth it. (By the way, yes, it's something I'm working hard on myself).

The more sexual a women is, the harder her tests are going to be. She wants to be really sure of your stability because she wants to jump a long way with you. Which is a good thing. In some sense what I'm saying is that the better you get at dealing with tests, the bigger jumps you're going to have women making with you, and I think that's more than enough motivation to put some effort into this part of your game.

As discussed last time, tests are tests for stability, so the essence of dealing with tests is stability. A big part of this is simply experience, practice and getting stronger. You have to fail a lot of tests before you learn to deal with them. But the core of the issue is simply having a stable, consistent view of your world. No tricks. No deception. No manipulation.

Taking the example from last time, how do you deal with "Does my butt look fat in these jeans?". What's the correct answer?

There isn't one. It's yes or no, depending on whether you think she looks fat or not. The point is not to give the "right" answer but to give your opinion and stick by it, no matter what, thereby demonstrating your stability. The only way you're going to be able to stick by your opinion no matter what she throws at you is if you tell the truth.

So the hard work involved in learning to deal with tests involves two things: you've got to develop a stable, consistent view of all aspects of your world, and you've got to learn about the ways people try to attack your world view and how you can defend against those attacks. And don't be afraid to pick up and move your world view if you find a new position that is more stable, if you see what I mean.

Much, much easier said than done, I know. We'll talk more about this topic.

Tests 1

2006-11-15T11:59:00.000-08:00

Women's tests are one of the most fascinating parts of the dating game. Even if you're not immediately familiar with the concept, you of course know the classic "Does my butt look fat in these jeans?" test. It's been extracted into popular culture as the symbol of this funny (on the surface) part of human behaviour.

What's it all about?

It's a long and deep topic - I don't really want to address it fully in this post - but in summary:

If a woman is looking to get involved in any kind of relationship with a man (even if it's only for one night...), she wants to look for some kind of security. Again, another long topic, but let's just agree that at some level, normal women need some level of security before they can open up to a man. All the tests, and there are many, involve pushing the man and seeing if he moves, to test his stability.

Before you abseil off a cliff, you're going to check the tree you've chosen as an anchor pretty bloody carefully. You're going to push it hard it all directions and make sure that fucker isn't going to move an inch before you trust your life to it. Before you jump off a cliff into a river, you're going to make pretty damn sure there's no rock beneath the surface that you're going to break your neck on.

This is what women are doing with their tests. They are pushing you as hard as they can, genuinely trying to move you, but hoping that you won't move. If they've done everything to you and can't move you, they breathe a sigh of relief and can relax for a moment.

Many of you have probably had this experience, and I hope that for the rest you will get to a point where you can experience it too, because it's fun: a girl is screaming at you for whatever reason, and you refuse to change your mind no matter how upset she gets. Then suddenly she softens and you get the hottest kiss of your life. Or whatever else. It seems crazy if you don't know what's going on: but she was testing the water and found out that it was OK to take a jump with you.

Actually, now that I started writing about this, I've had a few interesting ideas and am quite enjoying writing, so I'll continue this theme over the next few days. Talk soon.

Be Decisive

2006-11-14T11:08:00.000-08:00

Umm, I can't remember if I wrote on this topic already or not. I would go back and check, but I'm really busy at the moment, and I've got a whole lot of stuff going on as well, so I'm sorry. I hope you guys don't mind. I don't want to be repetitive, but I just can't be sure.

Annoying, isn't it?

And completely unnecessary. Stuffing around and being uncertain shits people, no matter who they are. You know it shits you when somebody does it to you, so why do you think it's going to come off any differently when you try it on a girl?

"Ah, I know a restaurant that used to be cool. But I've haven't been there for a long time. I don't go out much anymore. But we could go there if you like. I just don't want to disappoint you. What do you want to do?"

If she's honest, she's going to say "I want to walk off and leave you for a real man."

Be decisive. "Hey, let's grab something to eat. There's a restaurant around the corner I want to go to." Simple. And she doesn't have to shoulder the responsibility for having made the decision if it turns out to be crap. Understand?

Don't get confused between being certain and being decisive. You can never be certain. We all make mistakes, we all feel uncertainty. But even if you're not sure about something, you can still be decisive and it makes a world of difference.

In other words, your attitude is "I don't know if this is right, but we're going to try it and find out. And if it's wrong, I know that shit happens, and I'm glad I tried it." By the way, there are of course people who genuinely can't get comfortable with that attitude, but why waste your time with them?

[By the way, if you find any of this stuff interesting or useful, don't forget to share it with your friends!]

Attractive Women

2006-11-10T13:55:00.000-08:00

I believe it's easier to pick up attractive women.

This might seem counter-intuitive to you at first, since they are the ones who get all the attention, so you're going to have more competition. And to be honest, if you don't know what you're doing, you probably ARE going to have a hard time picking up super-hot girls.

However, you need to realise (you probably already do) that women don't become attractive by accident. They put a lot of work into looking good. And basically they do it because they want to get picked up, so a girl who is looking great is already giving you a huge IOI. It's not directed specifically at you, obviously, but it's a big flag that says she's looking. I know that, for example, David DeAngelo says that girls dress up for other girls, not for guys, but in any case, whoever their trying to show their sexuality off too, they are still highlighting their sexuality.

No matter where you live, and how forward the women, the natural order of the game is that women are supposed to attract men, and men are supposed to approach women. No matter how liberated, that's still the situation that women are comfortable. So for all the time and effort you spend learning how to approach women, they are spending an equivalent amount of time learning to attract men.

As I'm sure you know, one of the ways to increase your hit rate is to learn to identify girls who want you to approach them. This is critical. Some girls you just won't be able to pick up - maybe they're married, lesbian, angry with the world or whatever. OK, great challenge and great for improving your game, but if you're really interested in picking up, look for the girls who want to play the same game.

Spread The Word

2006-11-08T13:24:00.000-08:00

By the way, if this information is useful in helping you to pick up more girls, or even if you just find it amusing, let your friends know. I don't even care if you have to diss it when you send the email, or link from your site: "Hey, check out this fucking stupid site..."

Basically, I'm giving you a lot of useful ideas for free. Believe it or not, it actually takes time and effort to sit down and write this shit. I enjoy doing that, because I like giving back in my own way.

But I enjoy it even more if there are more people reading and learning. Yeah, it looks like I'm a freakin' attention seeker.

I've got a bunch of articles written which I'm going to post over the next couple of weeks, but if you want to keep me motivated to write the next batch, give me a hand to build up a crowd here ;-)

The Future

2006-11-08T12:23:00.000-08:00

Just in case any of you are wondering why I sometimes get philosophical in a blog that is supposed to be about picking up girls: this stuff is the "inner game". If you've read other stuff on the topic, and you should, you know that the most important thing to get right is your attitude. Once your attitude is right, you will always act according to your attitude and you no longer have to think consciously about how to behave.

So the stuff here is just a collection of small ideas about little things you can do to improve your attitude day by day. Little things that I'm realising day by day and using to improve my attitude, and hoping that they might be useful for others too.

The way you speak affects the way you think and the way you think affects the way you behave. And that obviously affects everything that happens in your life. Follow, right? In short, if you start choosing different words in your thinking (not even when you're talking to other people, but just to yourself!) it will lead to real, concrete changes in your life.

If that sounds crazy to you, I don't care. I'm not here to sell you any ideas. I'm just presenting some ideas for people who are open-minded to living their life.

So here are two things I think can make a difference:

Say "I am..." instead of "I am going to..."

In the latter case, you're just dreaming. You have no intention of making it happen. (Come on, let's be honest). The first case means action. For example: "I am going to go to the beach". Maybe... Compared to "I am going to the beach". Now it's really happening.

OK, it's a little subtle, but you take my point.

Secondly, instead of "I have to...", say "I choose to..."

"I have to work" vs. "I choose to work".

You've taken control of your life, just by making that tiny change.

Giving Attention

2006-11-07T05:49:00.000-08:00

I've been thinking a lot about attention recently, for some reason. The basic principle being that girls like attention and you like giving them attention, just so that we're on the same page. This explains, for example, why a nightclub will always advertise a night with a picture of a hot girl: it attracts guys because guys love looking at hot girls, and it attracts girls because girls love having a chance to look hot.

Now that's something in itself: if you're interested in picking up girls, remember that they love being given chances to look hot.

But I wanted to talk about something slightly different. For some reason, the image of a girl acting in a film jumped into my head. And I realised for the director of the film, the girl is behaving EXACTLY as he wants. The girls knows that to get attention, she has to behave in a certain way. If she does that, she's going to get exactly what she wants; if she doesn't, she's out and won't be back.

It's interesting, because this whole agreement is set up in the context of what is going on. Obviously, the director also has to respect the implicit contract and not push boundaries too far, and to deliver the attention that the actor wants. When you're meeting people you don't know, you don't have this context, because everyone turns up with completely different expectations.

On the other hand, I really suspect that picking up girls would be boring if it was so simple to get what you wanted, so we're lucky that things are the way they are.

YouTube Videos

2006-11-01T13:36:00.000-08:00

Thought some of you guys might enjoy these:

Video
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More To Come

2006-10-31T14:37:00.000-08:00

For various reasons, I've been thinking a lot about picking up girls lately. I've also been busy writing, so I just wanted to let you guys know that you should stay tuned. I've got more thoughts coming on everything from why I think you should pay attention to how you dress to why I think it's actually easier to approach attractive women.

I hope to have something coming out every few days for a little while, so it's a good time to subscribe to the RSS feed, or check back regularly to make sure you don't miss anything.

See you soon.

Pad Hunting

2006-10-31T05:47:00.000-08:00

Shared accomodation provides the perfect way to sidestep huge chunks of the dating game.

Want to get girls' numbers and go straight to their places without any game at all? Just take a look in the newspaper or online for ads for shared accomodation. Gives you the perfect excuse to call and visit as many girls as you like. You get to see their place, size up the situation, and if you like what you see, you can always call back and say "I found somewhere else to live, but you're cute and I want to see you again".

Of course you know that it's not going to work if you really don't have any game at all, but it's one more place you can go to meet people in an easy and comfortable way.

Possibly even better, put your own place in the paper. You can write an exact description of the girl you're looking for, and get her delivered to your door ;-)

Puppies

2006-10-30T07:02:00.000-08:00

The people I'm living with at the moment have a puppy. I'm sure one or two of you are shaking your heads at what analogies I'm gonna draw involving puppies and picking up girls. Anyway, shake away - here's the story.

It's been an interesting learning experience for me. First time I've lived with a puppy. Have from time to time lived with fully grown dogs who've already had their animal instincts trained out of them, but this is a different story. This little girl has all her human/animal instincts on display unadulterated and unashamed.

One of the most interesting things (from the point of view of the dating game) is her attention seeking. She can follow you around all day begging to play - but the moment you want some attention from her, she's not interested anymore, and will disappear faster than the card in that trick you're learning to impress the ladies...

I know this probably surprises you, since we're talking about a dog and not a cat, but I'm not talking about scratching her stomach - I'm talking about demanding attention in a needy way, for example trying to get her to still still for long enough to explain why I don't want her to chew holes in my shoes.

The thing is that this is a girl who loves to play and is constantly desperate for attention, but the wrong kind of attention is just as repellent for her as for anyone else in your life. But if you're doing something that's entertaining for her, stupid as it may seem to you, she'll spend the whole day hanging out with you.

Finally, the moral of this story, and the analogy you've been dreading, is something like: if you're entertaining for women, even if it seems stupid to you, you're going to have women hanging around. It's something you can't rationalise or argue with, so just accept it and behave in the way that is most effective for you.

Creating Emotions

2006-08-23T02:36:00.000-07:00

A critical skill in the dating game is being able to create emotions in women.

Of course, this is something like having the ability to build the bomb - you gotta use your power wisely. And I trust that you will.

The first thing to realise, and it isn't obvious at first, is that it doesn't REALLY matter that much which emotions you can create. That is, if you're just seeking attention from someone, it doesn't matter if you make them happy, sad, angry or anything else. The point is that you've created an emotion with you attached to it.

Obviously down the track, you might want to finesse your game a bit more than just making people angry all the time, but if you're at a loss, spilling your beer on someone is a great way to get their attention... As with many things in life, the aim of the game is not to avoid making mistakes, but to get good at recovering from them.

Why is this the case? As I see it, every strong emotional reaction is pretty much the same. You have some idea about which flavour of emotion you're experiencing, but you're mainly aware of experiencing something strong.

Comedy has a lot of parallels with the pickup game in this sense: think about the things that make you laugh. Basically, if you can create a situation which causes someone to experience a strong emotion, and then give them permission to laugh, they're going to laugh. Or the kid who falls over, and doesn't know how to react to the pain, taking all their cues from the reaction of their parents...

Comments?

Move On

2006-08-23T02:22:00.000-07:00

It's not easy to find a person that you get along with. An important skill in the dating game is to be able to recognise the kind of person you're interested in. And of course, a pre-condition to being able to do that is to know what you're looking for.

That's probably an interesting topic to discuss at a later date, in itself.

But we can all tell when something doesn't fell right, and in that case, you need to have the guts to move on. If things aren't clicking, don't take it personally - for yourself or for the other party. It's nothing to do with either of you - it simply means that you don't match. If that's the case, cut everyone's losses and get out of there.

Some guys are worried about hurting a girl in that situation. Fair enough, and good that you care. But recognise that you're going to hurt her by staying too, if it's not working.

This applies at any point in a relationship - from five years down the road, to five minutes after you make eye contact across the bar. Of course, you need to have the confidence that you're going to find something else if you walk out - trust me on this one: you will.

Pickup Library Book 2

2006-08-13T04:52:00.000-07:00

I'd be suprised if you hadn't already heard of The Game. If you haven't read it already, you're missing out. It's a great story book and educational resource rolled into one.

Make sure you pick it up on a Saturday morning, because you probably won't be able to put it down until the end. It covers (at least as it's described in the book) the author's transformation from dating loser to super chick magnet, and contains a long series of vignettes of pickups, international sarging trips, emotional breakdowns and insights into the mind of those hot chicks that you've always wanted to pick up.

Apart from meeting a lot of the well-known players in the pickup game, and finding out what makes them tick, you'll also see a lot of their techniques illustrated in a very entertaining way. If a lot of the short summaries of this information you can find on the web leave you curious for more information, I'd recommend spending some time with this book.

Pickup Library Book 1

2006-08-13T04:30:00.000-07:00

As I've mentioned previously, you don't need to know what you're doing to become successful at the dating game - but it won't hurt you either. Apart from practicing and reading about picking up itself, there are several great books that delve into what's going on behind the scenes. Of course, you're never going to understand women, but this is a book that would shed some light on a lot of aspects of human behaviour that may have been a mystery to you up until now:

Sperm Wars is a great book with a great title, that looks at several aspects of human sexual behaviour from a biological perspective. Sexual selection is essentially the scientific theory of what you know as the art form of pickup, and that's what this book deals with. It's well written, easy reading, and you'll learn a lot.

Ever wondered why your dick is shaped the way it is? Ever wondered why some girls love giving blowjobs? Wonder why it's a good idea to masturbate before you have sex, aside from the fact it stops you acting desperate on a first date? Read the book!

Dating Tips 3

2006-07-20T06:33:00.000-07:00

The dating game is like a lot of other things in life: it helps to have a goal. You can't get what you want if you don't know what you want. So when it comes to dating, know what you want, and don't be afraid to let people know.

The first step is to be comfortable about what you want. If you don't believe in your goal, it's going to be really hard to get there. So, if you want to get involved in a steady relationship, that's OK. If you're interested in dating lots of hot girls, that's OK. If you're just interested in spicing up your existing sex life, that's OK.

After you've got that sorted out, don't hide it. I'm gonna let you in on a secret: girls like meeting guys too. They like sex too. Social rules mean that girls can't or don't talk about it as explicitly as you do, but that doesn't mean that they're not just as interested. The same social rules mean that girls have to act coy when you come onto them. But that doesn't mean that they don't enjoy it. They do.

Don't be afraid to let girls know that you find them attractive (of course, there are more and less effective ways of doing this). If you're constantly pretending that you just want to talk, that's all you're going to get.

Dating Tips 2

2006-05-17T03:03:00.000-07:00

One of the funny things about the dating game is that you don't actually need to understand what you're doing to be successful. For example, turning up a little bit late for a date is going to make a girl excited, whether you understand why or not.

But it doesn't hurt to have some feeling for what's going on.

One of the things that is difficult for a guy to grasp is that women's sex drives work differently to yours; they get aroused by different things and in different ways, get attracted by different things, and on different time scales. This has a lot to do with the fact that men have about twenty times as much testosterone as women. This means that as a guy, you are constantly wound up, ready to fuck, and it can be confusing or demoralising when a girl doesn't want to jump straight in the sack with you, even if you're sure she likes you.

It's just because women are swimming in a different soup of hormones to yours.

If you want to find out what it feels like to be a woman for a couple of hours, and I'm serious about this, sit down for a while and masturbate five times in a row. Then go out and see if you're still dying to shag every pretty girl that walks past. You probably won't even notice the pretty girls.

Now the thing is, if a girl approached you in that state, she could probably still get you into bed, but she would have to work pretty hard, even if you think she's hot. And if you try this, you'll understand why you need to put in some effort to get girls into bed, even if they think you're hot.

Dating Tips 1

2006-05-05T06:20:00.000-07:00

This is the first post in my new series "Dating Tips". The series is going to contain specific, small chunks of knowledge that you can use to improve your dating game. We'll cover all kinds of topics, from pick-up lines, to confidence to flow control of your dates.

Dating Tip 1: Know when to cut your losses.

Sometimes it happens, maybe on the first date, maybe on the second, whenever. You pull out all your big guns, use all the technique you've got, and still it's not enough to get the girl into bed. Tempting as it is to get her back another time for a second attempt, if this happens to you: move on.

Basically, once you've pushed your game to the limit with a particular girl without success, nothing is going to change. You've set the precedent: it's going to be like a script for all future dates: you try your hardest, she says no. And you start to expect this outcome too.

Secondly, it could be an indication that she doesn't want to sleep with you. If that's the case, what's the point bashing your head against a brick wall?

Honesty

2006-05-03T08:02:00.000-07:00

I'm pathologically honest.

I tell the truth even when I know it's going to hurt me (and this is more often than you might think). But I think recently I've been overdoing it.

By that I mean that I think I've become used to the fact that it's hard to tell the truth. There's always some pain involved. And I think I've started to calibrate my honesty against how much pain I feel: if I'm talking and I don't feel pain, I feel like I must not be being honest. But I've just realised: that's not honesty - it's masochism.

Before we get on to the specific example I have in mind, an aside:

I'm upfront with girls. I tell them straight away that I like kinky girls. I like girls who are not afraid of their sexuality. That I'm hoping that they'll come home with me and get it on. It turns a lot of girls off, and it probably means that I miss chances to get girls into bed, had I been less blunt, but BOY - when you say something like that and a girl's eyes light up...

What I'm saying is: if you're upfront about what you want, you filter out all the people who can't or don't want to give it to you, and save yourself, and other people a lot of time and heartache. So don't be shy about it.

Anyway...

Lately I've been inviting girls back to my place for sex. But I've been doing it in a way that I already know isn't going to work:

Me: "Come back to my place, and we can fuck. Foreplay and cuddles afterwards included."
Girl: Skeptical look.
Me: "I'm good."
Girl: "Whatever."

I've thought that I'm being honest: I would hate for someone to come to visit on false pretenses. But it just hit me that I'm not being completely honest. 'Cause I really mean it when I tell girls that they'll have a good time.

I've got a bottle of champagne in the fridge. I've got soft lighting. I've got great music and a killer sound system. I've got the time to go for a walk in the park, if that's what turns someone on. I can be gentle. I can be rough. I'm strong but sensitive. And I genuinely do want girls to have a good time when they come here.

But I'm hiding that part of the truth.

Which is a shame, because I'm missing opportunities to make random people happy for an hour at a time, which would make the world a better place... ;-) [Can't believe how cheesy I get when I'm drinking...]

On Porn

2006-05-01T06:16:00.000-07:00

Can porn help you with your relationships?

OK. First, let's get ourselves together on the same page. Porn can fuck you up. Porn can turn you into a drooling idiot. Porn can give you unrealistic expectations about life which are always going to be disappointed. Porn can desensitise you and disconnect you from real people. Porn, coupled with lots of masturbation, can really sap your energy...

But:

If you choose the right stuff to watch, I think porn can help you to grow.

I guess by the right stuff, we're talking about stuff where the performers are sex-crazed, but in a healthy way. Sometimes everybody looks like they're having fun while they're fucking the shit out of each other. Some other times, everybody looks like they can't wait to get the hell out of there and collect their paycheck, yeah?

Sometimes, people are really good at what they are doing - those are the guys you can learn from. Some other times you're just glad it's not you.

But let's face it: most porn stars have got ten times the sexual experience you're ever going to have. Regardless of your hangups, realise you can learn from them. Even if you only learn how to get your girlfriend to get pleasure out of you cumming on her face... And as long as you don't masturbate too fast, you can probably have ten sexual experiences a day watching videos. That gives you a lot of repertoire when you end up in the sack, and that's good for everyone involved.

Yes, I am being serious.

Think Like A Gigolo

2006-04-27T05:00:00.000-07:00

One of the themes of this blog is giving. It's one of those paradoxical things, but the more you give away, the more comes back to you. No different with women. If you want women to be good to you, you have to be good to them.

Most guys would say that they love women. But what most guys mean when they say that is something like: they love looking at women, they love having women around, they love having sex with women or something more or less in that direction if you catch my drift. Not that many men really love women - if you can work out what that means and do it, you'll set yourself apart and be five steps ahead of the next guy.

It means changing your mindset from trying to get her to do things for you, to trying to work out what you can do for her. Don't sweat it: if you give her the best sex of her life, she's going to want to return the favour. (Sure some girls are better than others and will have a better chance of success, but that's another story). Plus, when your reputation starts to spread, you're gonna be getting plenty, don't you worry.

Here's a really useful mindset to get you into the giving mood. It will also kill your fear of women (which, as I've previously written, I know you have...)

Become a gigolo. Whether you actually end up charging for your services is your choice; it's not really the point. Imagine you make your living giving women pleasure. You've got to learn how to do it well. Better than the next guy. And you've got to approach women and let them know how good you are (somebody has to tell them!). If you get good at what you do, and you're confident, you won't feel shy about offering someone a good time.

I don't know - maybe you're thinking this sounds like cheesy doormat behaviour, but it's not. Don't get confused between being attentive to what somebody wants, and letting somebody push you around. They're different things. You're being proactive: work out what your woman wants and give it to her. You're in control. That's not cheesy.

Help Needed

2006-04-22T09:26:00.000-07:00

Gentlemen, pay attention.

I lead a busy life, and have many topics on which to write.

If you think that the information which is slowly being revealed here is useful, you need to cast your vote by making one or two friends aware of what's going on. Essentially, my decision on what to continue writing about comes down to which topics are generating traffic. If you want to read more, please take a second to pass on the word.

As eccentric as this project appears to be becoming, I have some ideas that are going to change your life, so stay tuned!

Hope to speak to you again soon.

Where To?

2006-04-22T09:20:00.000-07:00

Where to from here?

Well, despite the fact that so far a large percentage of my posts have been pretty facetious, the intention of this blog is to make a kind of "fundamental analysis" of the dating game.

There's a lot of dating advice out there which centers on teaching "tricks" to help you to get girls to like you. At the most basic level, that would be a list of pickup lines. But that stuff is totally useless voodoo unless you understand the principles behind what is going on. Worse than useless in the case that it serves to give you the confidence to dig yourself into a hole that you can't possibly get out of.

The problem is that nobody who is selling dating advice for money wants to give away the fundamentals. If they keep the fundamentals hidden, they can keep selling you descriptions of the symptoms for more and more money. You have to keep coming back. It's not in their interest to help you to work this stuff out for yourself. They'd be killing their cash cow, so to speak.

So this blog is intended to be a landscape portrait, sometimes eccentric, sometimes downright stupid, but if you read carefully, the understanding will start to grow on you. How's that for a promise?

(It's not a promise, by the way ;-) ).

Paris Again

2006-04-22T09:10:00.000-07:00

Let me quickly reprise what I was saying about Paris a little more succinctly:

Don't waste time and energy trying to find fault with someone who is better, more powerful or more skilled than you. Put your energy into trying to become more like them.

Don't try to bring people down to your level. Try to bring yourself up to their level.

Working Out

2006-04-22T09:07:00.000-07:00

OK. Enough about Google. Back to the task at hand.

One of the things a lot of guys wonder is: is it worthwhile to go to the gym to become buff?

The answer is a resounding yes, but not for the reasons you might think.

You probably think going to the gym is going to attract women because you start to look good, you start to look healthy, and women like that, right? It's a romantic way of thinking, but in reality it works like this:

When you go to the gym, your big muscles basically flag you as someone who is interested in your appearance, someone who is interested in putting in some time and effort in order to get laid. In other words, you're marking yourself as someone who is out to meet people. It acts like a filter, keeping away the "noise" that is interested in being "just friends" and also acts to attract people interested in superficiality and sex at short notice.

If you can't see how this works, it's the equivalent of women dressing up and putting a lot of effort into their appearance. The assumption is always that these girls are out to get laid, and that's why they get a lot of attention - it seems like a high percentage play.

Splogs 2

2006-04-22T00:44:00.000-07:00

Couple of musings, which might also provide partial solutions to the splog problem.

1. There are several sites (eg. www.reddit.com) which allow people to vote by hand for the sites that they like. Naturally, these sites could also become subject to automated spamming, but they have a registration process and measures in place to prevent that. (PageRank works with content already on the web: there's no way to prevent people auto-generating content: you can only detect it after the fact). Google could possible incorporate these rankings into search result rankings.

2. Sites like Alexa rank popular web pages according to traffic. Now Alexa is owned by Amazon, which could make things trickier, but can't Google incorporate that type of information into a page's search result ranking? Links could be weighted by the amount of traffic flowing through them - machine generated sites are not going to have any traffic, so all of those links would effectively be ignored.

Splogs

2006-04-22T00:39:00.000-07:00

Hey - is anyone else sick of the auto-generated blogs spreading through Blogger like a disease? All those machine-written pages about "Fast Township Info" and so on?

If you're writing a blog, they're hurting you. These blogs clutter up search results and fill up the "recently published" lists, leaving less space for your own blog. At a glance, it looks like about 50% of new posts are machine generated, which means hand-written work only appears 50% of the time. If you're trying to make an honest living out of your writing, these guys are basically STEALING INCOME from you.

In case you're not aware of what's going on, here's the background:

Google's search engine ranks pages according to how many other pages link to them (amongst other things - it's a complex process). In principle, that means that the most important pages appear higher up in the search results. The more people link to a page, the more people have verified tacitly that the content is high quality. In essence, the web automatically votes for the best content. It's a great idea, and it works well.

But the system is being hijacked by people filling up blogs with links to their websites relevant to specific keywords in order to bump their sites up the rankings.

What can we do?

If Google requires new blog entries to be verified by use of a "captcha" (the graphic with text in it, which you have to copy into the dialog box), the amount of machine generated garbage will be cut in half. Start spreading the word; talk to people you know who blog about the problem, blog about it. The more people who are talking about the problem, the more pressure there is to get it fixed.

Paris Hilton

2006-04-22T00:27:00.000-07:00

I'd like to speak out on something that we see all too often these days: bagging Paris Hilton.

Don't get me wrong: there are many legitimate grounds on which you could criticise Paris. What I'm talking about is the GUYS who say things like "Paris is a dog" or "I wouldn't sleep with Paris if you paid me".

Whatever, dude.

Whatever you think of her values, Paris is highly attractive sexually. There are no two ways about it. Any guy who says he wouldn't sleep with Paris if he had the chance is just highlighting his own insecurities and hangups.

If you're in the boat, you need to be aware that everyone sees straight through you and hears what you're really saying, which is: "I'm jealous of all the guys who do get to sleep with Paris, because I don't think I'm good enough to do it".

Even if you keep your thoughts to yourself and don't tell anyone about it, you're still hurting yourself by thinking that way. Here's why:

As previously mentioned, there's no getting around the fact that Paris is hot. Your subconcious mind knows it. If you say you wouldn't sleep with her, what you're really doing is telling yourself that you're not good enough to get hot girls.

So DON'T DO IT!

Funny Doubles

2006-04-22T00:09:00.000-07:00

Once you get to the top of your game, the hardest thing is finding new challenges to keep pushing your boundaries. If you have reached the peak, it's probably because you're the kind of person who is constantly seeking to extend your limits, to expand your skills. But once you've reached the goals that you set some of the energy can go out of your quest. It's only natural.

One of the reasons that you're likely to hit this brick wall in the dating game is that there is traditionally only one measure of success: how many women have you slept with? After a while, bumping up this number becomes boring, and you fall into a rut. You've worked out the whole show, and it's easy for you to get five new women into bed every week. But you're doing it just by going back and forth over the same fertile ground that you're familiar with.

Get out of your box.

Here are some new metrics to tune your game against. Some of them are time dependent, others not. All of them will stretch you, and require you to build on your skills. Here they are:

Shortest Downtime

One of the things you probably already measure yourself against is how quickly you can get a girl into bed after meeting her. But here is a new twist: what is the shortest turnaround you've had? Can you get two different girls into bed in one day? In one evening? Improvements here starting getting harder and harder as you start getting your times down.

Greatest Age Spread

Picking up women of different ages forces you to think about what you are doing, because you need different skills to approach girls who've had more or less life experience. If you've slept with a 21 year old girl, and a 22 year old, you've only got a year's bandwidth in your skills, if you see what I mean. So what's your current age spread?

Quickest Threesome Invite

Most of us dream about the girl we've just met calling up her best friend to invite her for a threesome. What's the quickest you've been able to get a girl to do that?

Biggest and Smallest

All of us have "types". Maybe you like tiny girls. Maybe you like girls with huge breasts. The thing is: you're stuck in a pattern. Get out of it, and start trying to broaden your portfolio. As with the age spread, what's the different between the smallest and the largest girl you've been with?

Shortest and Tallest

Same story.

Cultural Spread

Again, this metric belongs in the same category, but it's slightly more subtle, because picking up girls from different cultural backgrounds requires different skills. A high score in this area indicates that you are probably doing well. And I'm not talking about the different between girls from New York and L.A.: think in terms of trying to get points on the board with completely different mindsets: fundamental christians as well as muslims, japanese as well as eastern european girls.

Biggest Financial Turnaround

This one is the killer, obviously. If you're picking up a lot of girls, you're already focussed on financial metrics of some kind, simply because it's impossible to sustain entertaining expensive women. The risk you run is that you just end up focussing on inexpensive girls, and that's probably not the vision you had when you started out on this journey. Get yourself out of that dangerous trap by focussing consciously on improving your performance relative to this metric: what's the biggest difference in dollar terms between what the girl WANTED you to pay during the "courtship" process, and what you actually paid? For example: she wanted you to buy her $45 dollars of drinks, and it turned out she bought you $10 of drinks in the end. Obviously, you want to be able to turn it around so that she is spending money on you, because that's when the whole operation suddenly becomes scalable.

Get to it!

Foreplay Accounting

2006-04-18T07:39:00.000-07:00

I'd like to propose a new system of foreplay accounting. The current system has a couple of flaws which I believe limit it's viability in the long term.

The two main problems are as follows:

Firstly, there is no system of credit. Even if you achieve 95% foreplay on a given occasion, if an interruption occurs, the session is reset to zero, and several hours of hard work can go to waste. A system which discards several hours of legitimate effort is simply not viable economically.

Secondly, there is inconsistent classification of which activities count towards foreplay, even in the context of the same relationship.

For example, buying flowers. Do you get foreplay points? Sometimes a well timed bunch of flowers counts 100% towards "foreplay", other times it's interpreted as an admission of wrongdoing and voids any foreplay attempts until the next calendar day.

It's almost impossible to improve the quality of foreplay under a system where the quality metrics are so inconsistent. A standard needs to be agreed.

One That Needs Work

2006-04-16T19:33:00.000-07:00

On the other hand, from time to time you see guys who are dangerously dependent on their routines.

I was out with a couple of cute German girls a few weeks ago, drinking a beer at the pub. Don't know if you've ever noticed it, but good looking women pull guys out of the woodwork.

Actually, a great way to improve your game is to go out with a couple of good looking girls, sit back and enjoy watching the attempted pickups. It's fun, and a great way to learn. But that's another story.

We were sitting at the bar and a guy rolled up to try out his routine. I don't claim to endorse or even understand this guy's routine: I'm just describing what I saw, OK?

From a distance, he didn't realise that he'd picked a tough pair to do his warmup on, because of the language barrier.

"Hey girls, how are things? Do you like music?"
"Once more, please?"
"I said DO YOU LIKE MUSIC?"
"Ja, of course, I like Musik"
"What kind of music do you like?"
"I cannot really hear you. Here it is very loud."
"Do you like the macarena? Check out the macarena."

He launched into some spastic impression of the macarena. The German girls weren't impressed. But he knew that you can't let rejection ruin your game, so he kept on.

"What about Mick Jagger? You like Mick Jagger?"

No response, so he launched into his spastic Mick Jagger impression. He was starting to crack me up, but the German girls hid their mirth well.

"What about partner dancing? You know how to jive?"

I saw where he was headed. The German girls turned back to the bar.

This created an interesting situation. He was full-flight in his routine and his audience just walked out on him. But he couldn't stop. He must have been practicing the whole thing in front of the mirror for weeks, and lack of audience response wasn't in his script.

Starting to panic, he turned to me and kept ploughing through his material. Given that he was heading towards the "dance with me" phase of his show, I started to get a little uncomfortable too. I decided to join the German girls back at the bar and left him standing performing his routine to himself again.

I felt bad, but at the same time, I didn't want to end up slow dancing in public with this guy - and that's where we were heading. He was so fixed on his routine that he couldn't cope with this unplanned problem.

It's an extreme example, and to be fair, I think the guy was a little drunk... But the point is: if you're going to use routines, write some that will work on German girls in a noisy bar, just in case. ;-)

A Successful Script

2006-04-16T18:35:00.000-07:00

I saw a nice scene recently. Simple but effective.

Two superhot girls were sitting in a cafe drinking coffee when two guys walked past and kept going. Then one of them stopped just after the girls' table, grabbed his mate and said: "Shit - did you see THAT?!"

"No. What? I missed it."
"Those two girls back there. They were HOT!"

The second guy turns around to check, sees that it's true, loudly lets out his breath.

"Hey, you're not kidding about that."

Now the guys are standing about one and a half meters from the girls, who can hear everything, and the girls are starting to exchange that "Who are these losers?" look with each other. Which, don't forget, is something that sends a lot of guys running as soon as they see it. The conversation continues.

"We should go back and see if we can pick them up."
"Yeah, let's do it."

So the guys go and sit straight down at the girls' table (there were two empty chairs) without asking, without saying hello and start talking about the girls:

"Wow. Yeah. These girls are definitely hot. [SNIFFS] I like her perfume too."

The look on the girls's faces is starting to change from "...these losers..." to "WTF is going on here?". The guys keep going.

"Hey, which one do you like?"
"I like the blond one on the right. I'm a sucker for blond girls. She looks really hot when she blushes, too."
"Yeah, she is pretty cute. But you know I can't go past a brown-eyed girl. [Which the other girl was]. Hey, she's pretty good looking, but do you think she has much of a personality?"

By this time, the girls are openly cracking up. And most of the other people sitting around in the cafe. I'm not going to tell you how the story ends, but these guys had it down: balls out, hilariously funny, straight to the point about what they were after, and they had their whole routine really polished. Learn from them.

What's Your Point?

2006-04-16T02:05:00.000-07:00

I've noticed a couple of things. There are a lot of guys who aren't exactly where they want to be in terms of meeting women, or in terms of managing their relationships. And there are a lot of people who are trying to take advantage of that - porn sites, books of pick-up lines, dating sites and countless guys trying to make a quick buck out of teaching you how to pick up.

There are some people out there with great ideas. But for every good idea, there are another hundred people re-hashing it and trying to resell it. There's not a whole lot of stuff that's free of marketing BS, for real people wanting to meet real women and manage real relationships.

There are a whole lot of guys out to sell you a million and one tips and tricks that they say is going to turn you into a killa pick up artist. There aren't a lot of people writing about the topic, trying to share advice in the way that you might get from your mates over a beer at the pub. Which is a shame.

So I want to share some ideas to get you thinking, and some scenes that I've seen which have gone down really well. Some funny stories, some quirky sketches of human nature and some new ideas that you can build into your game. I don't want you to have to enrol in some gay pickup artist course or seminar just to expand your thinking.

Tension and Release

2006-04-16T01:38:00.000-07:00

Creating attraction in a woman has a lot to do with creating tension. It's all about tension and release, tension and release. Stop thinking about the release part, for God's sake, and start working out how to create tension.

The physical analogy is pretty useful: if you create tension, somebody's going to be pulled towards you. You release the tension they can relax and float away. Couple of things you need to be able to create and maintain tension: you need to be stable, and you need a connection with the other person.

You're going to experience the stability problem sooner or later. You find a girl. You like the girl. You make all your moves. You make a connection. You sink your teeth in and get under each other's skin. Then you find out that she's stronger than you: she walks away and you get dragged down the road behind her, kicking and screaming and wondering how things got so out of control.

So make sure you're stable before you try to create tension in your relationship, otherwise you might end up flat on your back - and not the way you like it.

So what kind of things can you do to create tension? Anything that's unexpected creates tension. Anything that puts someone off balance. Tension is that distance between where you expect to be, and where you really are. You get where I'm coming from?

Turning up ten minutes late for a meeting creates tension. You're expected, but you're not there. Being unavailable creates tension. You're wanted, but not to be had. Doing your own thing creates tension. But tension is all about ATTRACTION. Doing something unexpected can also create PRESSURE, which isn't what you want. Creating pressure pushes people away. Turning up with a dozen red roses on a second date creates pressure. Don't do it.

Don't forget that you have to resolve the tension as well. If you just keep cranking up the tension, something is going to break eventually. So give her (and yourself) a break once in a while!

Play The Lesbian Card

2006-04-15T23:41:00.000-07:00

Let me tell you about a funny experience that I had a while ago. This is the story of how I stumbled on a way of thinking that could double your dating overnight.

I spent a lot of time hanging out with a female friend who I thought was a lesbian. I thought that because she spent a lot of time hanging out with other girls who I thought were lesbians. Maybe I jumped to conclusions too fast, but it set the tone for the way we related.

Normally, half your time with a girl is spent trying to picture her naked. There are lots of scenarios that you've got to run through, right? What will she look like naked on my sofa? In my shower? Admit you do it. It's nothing to be ashamed of.

In this case, though, the thought never entered my mind. (OK, OK, I admit it: I did spend trying to picture her naked with her girlfriend on my sofa...) But the point is: I didn't spend my energy getting stressed over whether or not we were going to get it on. In fact, we spent a lot of time drinking coffee in cafes and checking out other girls together - critiquing the waitress' legs, wondering if she was into girls too and so on.

Lots of sexually charged talk about other women and lots of funny conversations about the best ways to get women into bed (got lots of useful advice!) And I thought it was all perfectly innocent: I wasn't flirting - we were just shooting the breeze as mates.

Long story short - after she invited me around several times very obviously to try to get HER into bed, it finally dawned on me, naive as I was, that I had made a mistake about her sexuality.

The moral of the story is: convince yourself that all the women in your life are gay. It's crazy, but it works!

Generosity

2006-04-15T06:52:00.000-07:00

One of the themes that runs through a lot of dating advice is: how do I get what I want? And the subtext to that is often: how can I trick women into liking me? How can I trick women into wanting to sleep with me?

I want women to like me. I want women to want to sleep with me. But that kind of stuff makes me uneasy. It reminds me of all those money-for-nothing adsense scams that are flooding the web these days: it's just not realistic, and it's not going to work.

So here's a better idea: why not work on getting women to GENUINELY want to sleep with you? You don't have to cheat. You don't have to lie. You don't have to use any tricks or tactics. It's all about giving.

Giving is a common theme when it comes to getting what you want. Like it or not, it's one of those kinky things about human beings: we tend to react to people based on the way they treat us, and give back to them the same way.

Don't believe me?

Try this: go out one day just thinking about how you can get laid. How you can get every girl you see to come back to your place, strip off, get it on... and then shower and get out so you can get back to playing SSX Snowdreams. Check out every girl that walks past, and notice how she looks at you while you've got all that shit going on in your head.

Now go out thinking, for example, about how you'd like to take every girl home, drink a slow coffee, make her laugh, maybe a foot massage, ...[SNIP: enough foreplay, just cut to the chase, OK? ed.]..., make her cum again and again... you get the picture. But you're thinking about creating an experience for the girl. And notice how they react to you. And notice how you react to yourself for that matter: I'll bet that you feel 100% more confident just thinking about doing something for someone else, rather than doing something for yourself. Because it's no longer about you, and how you might fail in getting what you want, which is scary, but it becomes a creative endeavour.

Anyway, the point is that I reckon the girls in the second scenario are going to react a lot more openly to your advances: women can smell your intentions from a mile off, and if they realise you want to give them a good time, they may just try to pick you up for a change.

Women Are Human

2006-04-15T05:32:00.000-07:00

One way to become successful with women is to flail around in the dark, making every mistake in the book and inventing a few of your own along the way (and if you do, don't forget to add them to the book for the rest of us). Eventually you hit on something that works, and if you're lucky, you'll remember it and use it again.

On the other hand, there are periods in your life where you just don't have the time to go through all those experiments; when you wish you understood what makes women tick so that you could just cut to the chase... Well:

It's not going to happen.

You're never going to understand what makes women tick. They don't understand it themselves. So learn to enjoy the uncertainty and take pleasure in playing the game.

BUT, at the same time, it doesn't hurt you to understand what it's like to be a woman: at least you can use the insight to shoot down your own dumb pickup lines in the comfort of your own house before you hit the streets with the fewer killer lines left standing...

So here's my killer insight: women are human too. Not shocked? OK, OK. Bear with me on this one. What I mean is: we've all had that experience with a female friend where everything is fine and dandy. She's laughing at all your jokes. She's flicking back her hair, showing her teeth. She keeps touching your arm and telling you "You're SOOO funny". And then next thing you know, you've said something wrong without realising it, the moment is gone, she's storming off home in a taxi and you're left to pay the bill. What went wrong?

Well, it doesn't make sense until you realise that women are just like human beings, except they're constantly being roasted in a microwave oven of hormones. That means that they can be sensitive to things that you think just don't matter. Yeah, you've got hormones too, and that's another interesting topic for discussion, but yours are simple - not like the explosive cocktail coursing through a woman's body. Now, if you learn to mix the cocktail well, you can create fireworks - but sometimes one blows up in your face.

Ever drunk three times as much beer as you normally do and fallen asleep for six hours in the midday summer sun? Felt a little tender afterwards? Found it hard to appreciate your mates' jokes about your sunburn? Women's hormones are a little bit like that.

The upshot of all this? Don't let it get you down if your girl gets fired up. I'm not giving her a license to walk all over you. I'm giving you the power to recognise her tantrums for what they are: meaningless. Nothing to react to. Just let it slide. Recognise that for what it is and she'll love you for it.

Living in Fear

2006-04-15T00:23:00.000-07:00

I'm not afraid to admit it: I'm scared of women. If you're honest, you'd agree that you are too. And I don't just mean six foot supermodels with a cleavage that gives you vertigo. I'm scared of any woman who holds the power of rejection, whether she makes me wish I had a sports car with her in it or not.

And let's face it: that fear is something that can really screw you up if you're going out to meet women. In the best case, it might cause you to trip over your tongue on the way to the bedroom, by which time she's so hot for you that she won't even notice, but in the worst case, it's going to stop you from approaching women at all, which is... well, it's not cool.

So firstly: what's that all about? How can something that smells so good make you feel so bad?

If you stop and think about it, you'll probably be surprised to realise how much of your ego, as a guy, is dependent on approval from women. It's partly about getting approval from your mates: if you've got a hot girlfriend, you've got street cred, right? But that's not the whole story: even if you don't have any mates, it still gives you a buzz when you get a smile from a pretty girl. Until you realise she's only smiling at the food that you spilt on your shirt and didn't notice until now...

Face it: you love getting approval from chicks. But that cuts two ways: if a woman won't give you her stamp of approval it hurts. It deflates your ego. And that can be hard to deal with. Which is why, no matter how much you know about girls, it's still scary to deal with them, because they have the power to send you to the reject bin if you let them. And sometimes it seems easier not to give them the chance...

But you can deal with it. There are lots of things to be aware of that will stop your fear of women ruining your life. The first one is:

Don't sweat it! She's not the one!

You know the feeling: you're walking down the street, sun is shining, and then you see her, woman of your dreams. In the seconds before you walk into a lamp post, you realise that you've got to have her, she's perfect, you'll never in your life see another girl like her blah blah blah. It's nuts: no matter how many times you have this experience, your goldfish memory kicks in and it's as if it has never happened to you before. And when she's gone, you're left feeling gutted, because you missed your chance with the one...

Well, get over it, and here's how: understand that it's an illusion. There are hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of 'ones'. If you're not having this experience at least once a week, get out more. And you'll realise that it's no big deal if you stuff up and miss your chance, because you won't have to wait more than a week before the next ONE comes along.

Clear?

Listen, there's speculation that life exists on earth because we're the planet that got water and oxygen and so on. But let me tell you, it's not the reason. We're the planet who got hot chicks, and where hot chicks go, the rest of life follows. Look around you, and you'll see that this planet is absolutely TEEMING with beautiful women, and you DON'T need to let one of them make you sweat, because there are ALWAYS more of them.